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Yesterday night (after telling my friend I didn’t want to drive because I might get pulled over) I got pulled over for the second time in my life. For crossing the center line and otherwise driving like someone switching the radio station/driving drunk/checking my milage to made sure I wasn’t going to run out of gas/ correcting for a weird pull to the left, all of which I was doing (except for the drunk part). Anyway, the very second that I stopped, my hubcap flew off and rolled across the road. Lovely, I thought. The officer must be a prophet. He strolled over with his flashlight, after retrieving my hubcap, and I handed him my liscense only, since I couldn’t find my registration. “If you notice,” I said “that expired two days ago, on my birthday. I’m getting another one tomorrow.”

“Have you had anything to drink tonight?” asked the officer.

“No,” I said, as seriously as ever I could.

(this is technically a lie: I’d had a lot of water to drink, having just played ultimate frisbee for a few hours)

The officer meandered back over to his car, having asked a few questions of me such as how old I was (had to think about that one) and what I was doing in Oregon with an expired Idaho liscense. While he was occupying himself behind his brilliant lights, flashing like a sleazy dance hall, I chuckled at the irony of my life. I’d just been telling people it might be ok to drive without liscense, since I rarely speed and never get pulled over. He was gone for quite awhile. When he came back, he informed me that he had found no record of my liscense, expired or otherwise. That made me a bit nervous. I was strunk dumb, in fact.

“I’m sure it just means our computers aren’t working,” said the officer “you’re free to go.”

“Oh, thanks,” I said “Do you want to see my insurance registration?” (I had finally managed to locate it in my stuffed glovebox.)

“Nah,” he said.

So I drove away. I had enough gas to make it home, too. My hubcap is still off. I’m driving to the DMV later this afternoon to ask for an Oregon driver’s liscense. Hopefully I won’t get pulled over between here and there.

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