Michal sent me directions to her place in Portland today, hoping, she said, that they were less cryptic than the directions I had left her on a door in Paris once. I had almost forgotten about those directions.
I had gotten to this apartment in Paris, rented out by my host brother, a self-proported would-have-been count, had it not been for the revolution. Alas for him, the revolution took place, and the apartment was a miniscule trash bin. At least, the way he had left it when he vacated for Christmas — I cleaned the place, waiting for Michal, Tara and Ashleigh.
The next day I waited. I sent multiple e-mails to my visitors, in the event that they were lost but near a computer. To venture to the internet cafe safely, I made a notice stating where the key could be found, and stuck it on the door. Now, this area was not particularly steller, and most Parisians know at least a little English, so I used stealth in crafting this notice. I made it so cunning that no English-as-a-second-language-learner could comprehend it. I referred to the earth (the doormat) as “Gaia,” and the riddle for key was something like “Island off the coast of Florida plus an R&B singer.” I did not put the key under the doormat, mind you — I put the key to the mailbox under the doormat, and the key to the door in the mailbox. Actually, as I recall, there were three keys, since the door had three locks. This also was encoded.
Fortunately, my visitors never had to decipher this. I returned before they had found it, and eventually, they showed up and I let them in.
Now, on to Portland.
Botkin Creative 
Vide contraindication of terra orb traversing practices. Once longitudinal and latitudinal coordinates stabilize or become static within smallish radii, proceed as intended, but refrain from the excesses that vary directly with the magnitude of urbanity.
“Once longitudinal and latitudinal coordinates stabilize or become static within smallish radii”
Are you refering to using an-oft faulty GPS? How else do latitude and longitude “stablize”?
Good grief. Are you for real, anon?
A super little post, Katie. Even if I read it with a twinge of envy.
I just was kidding. In the original post, ibid relates a story about a cryptic message, so I thought I would write a more-or-less cryptic comment. In any event, here is the translation:
Take note of all safety precautions when traveling. Once you have reached your destination, have a great time, but be wise and innocent.
Ha hahhahahah! I remember getting there, and seeing the note, after getting a little lost in Paris for about an hour. I had been worried that we wouldn’t find you at all, and then FINALLY, we get to the door, and there’s this goofy note which made no sense. It felt like being in an O. Henry story.
Come to think of it, I should have written the notice in Latin. It would have been horrible, but you might have been able to read it.
Was anon “GTB” by chance? In which case, I retract all sarcasm.
Alas. Anon was not “GTB”. Retract not the sarcasm. Nay. Cease dissimulation and restore the cutting and contemptuous passing observations to the proper levels of severity and cunning, or words to that effect.