I’m back to my culinarily-creative self, which involves not wasting anything. Including a head of lettuce I pulled out of my crippled fridge last night intending to make salad, only to discover it was crunchy with ice.
I stared at it until I recalled once making soup out of lettuce. Now, generally something this weird would not occur even to me, but I had pulled the recipe out of… I couldn’t remember… either my fancy soups cookbook or my fancy French cookbook. I checked, and yes, there it was in the French cookbook: Petit pois aux laitues. I vaguely recalled that it was actually quite tasty, and soup sounds better than salad in November anyway.
So you cook one chopped onion at the bottom of a saucepan, in butter (or really fatty gravy… my adaptation, since it was sitting in the fridge too) until it’s soft, then add one can of peas, one diced/cooked potato (try the microwave if you haven’t got leftovers), MSG-free chicken broth, just enough so the ingredients are covered and aren’t crushed at the bottom of the pan, and the head of lettuce, also chopped up (The recipe also called for an apple, but I didn’t have one, so I added a dash of Superfood juice). Let this come to a boil, reduce heat, and then — this is important — reduce it to a finely grated state, using either a food processor or one of those soup whips the French love. So at this point you should have a lovely consistent green soup; a lighter, more textured take on split pea. Season this with salt, pepper, lemon zest, a dash of cayenne, thyme, etc., to taste. Add some chopped-up ham if you have it. Simmer, and then for the finishing touch, separate three eggs, and add some of the soup to the yolks. Add this mix to the soup, stir, and let simmer for ten minutes or so; don’t overcook the eggs.
(Note: the recipe also called for cream, which would be added with the eggs, but I didn’t have any of that either)
Eat with: croutons, grated Parmesan/Gouda. Save the egg whites for tomorrow.
Botkin Creative 
It sounds like a step up from your chicken feed soup.
And very green.
~Dana
I forgot about chicken feed soup. That was a bad idea in so many ways.
However, my soup-making has improved since then.
The secret to good soup-making is good leftovers. And a good spice cabinet.
I love this post. Making culinary art from damaged produce.
What might such a girl do with say, industrial emissions?
I don’t suppose you remember but I’ve made soup with lettuce in the past. I was inspired to do so after eating some at a restaurant. (This was in M’ville, in a lovely old building downtown.)
Your version was quite tasty and the crunch of the shredded lettuce was just right.