Ten things I’ve learned in four weeks of being a housewife

1. If you put your husband’s fine merino sweater in the dryer (even 20 minutes on gentle cycle, apparently) you will magically get a new you-sized fine merino sweater.
2. Men, even clean men, leave their dirty socks on the floor.
3. Men do not like being given a running stream of advice when they are attempting to make an omelet.
4. Men have specific places for things. If the place happens to be on top of a pile of junk, and you clean up the pile of junk, they will lose their equilibrium, and therefore, their keys and wallet.
5. Men often resort to giving presents they know they will enjoy. Thus, if they give you chocolate, hide it.
6. Men (at least some of them) get up in the middle of the night to eat chocolate.
7. Men (or at least men over 30) like to relax/unwind after work more than anything else.
8. An entire shelf in the fridge needs to be relegated to beer, just in case.
9. It is possible to spend an entire day cleaning up a not-so-dirty apartment, and it is possible to spend an entire afternoon making a not-so-elaborate dinner.
10. Shopping for luxury sheets with someone else’s money is fun.

(I need to find an intellectually stimulating job. I’m starting to sound like a matronly advice columnist)

4 thoughts on “Ten things I’ve learned in four weeks of being a housewife

  1. All true, my friend. Especially the part about it taking all day to make a not so elaborate dinner. Ahh, the first year of marriage… Where are you guys living now and what are you up to these days? I had to find some sort of job when we got married. You can only do some much organizing. Besides, working is cheaper than therapy.

  2. 11. Men cannot switch topics without a little bit of warning (for example, interjecting a question about his mother’s arrival while in the middle of a discussion about the outcome of the presidential race produces a wide-eyed look of bewilderment for approximately 10.3 seconds).

  3. Nice one Ms. Lane.

    There is a lot of profundity in a couple of these (the need to unwind after work) and there are very funny.

    I will add, as per an email conversation, roles are frequently reversed and trying to “work out” or articulate the subtle changes will produce the look of bewilderment mentioned above.

    Marriage is a glorious adventure, a “tender trap.” I wish you every joy and tender snap.

    (“I am a poet, and you did not know it, what?”)

  4. Anne: Sandpoint, and I hope to get a job today… more on that later… I may volonteer if need be…

    Lois: I must say, I’m usually the one bewildered. D.S.B. has a tendency to suddenly refer to conversations of three days or a week previous entirely in pronouns. But I think he’s actually talking more to himself on these occasions. One more (as girlfriday says) role reversal, if you will.

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