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I’m a liberal feminist.

Ok, I’m more of a straight-up leftist really, because liberals are kind of wussy and they tend to be corporate sellouts if you’re talking actual politics. I don’t like the term liberal unless by liberal you mean generous.

So I’m a left-leaning feminist, with a career and stuff. You know, Matt Walsh’s worst nightmare. Rush Limbaugh’s nemesis. I believe birth control should be covered under health insurance, because… duh. It’s really basic medical coverage that regulates a slew of health problems at a very marginal cost and thus certainly makes sense from a financial perspective. And also because Matt Walsh and Rush Limbaugh don’t get to dictate how many kids any other person should have or when other people get to have sex, which is really about the only reason not to cover it.

But here’s the thing that might blow Matt Walsh’s mind: I believe this, yet I don’t take birth control. I’m personally opposed to taking it. I’m not just a feminist, I’m a health-nut feminist, and health-nut feminists aren’t into putting artificial hormones and chemicals in their bodies if they can avoid it.

Maybe I should also mention: I hate power suits with shoulder pads, I don’t wear combat boots, I’m not a lesbian, and I’ve never taken a queer theory or gender studies class. Also, I was a virgin until I got married. Just as long as we’re discussing stereotypes.

I don’t have tattoos or body piercings or blue hair. I am conventionally pretty, at least from a body-size standpoint. I teach ballet and I practice gymnastics. I wear makeup and I have a closet of dainty dresses. Beautiful high heels make me drool. Intricate carpentry makes me salivate. I love steak and potatoes and bacon and I eat butter by the stick. I think vegans are funny and misguided. I love children. I’d be a stay-at-home mom if I had my own. I know how to shoot a gun. I date men’s men; the kind with muscles and innovative business ideas — and I’m supportive of their business ideas and verbally admire their muscles. I pay taxes. A variety of taxes. I also pay health insurance premiums, though I rarely if ever cash in on them.

None of these things have squat to do with feminism, in case you were wondering.

Feminism is the idea that women should have equal rights as men, and vice versa. That women should have equal access to education, equal pay for equal work, equal health coverage. That women should not be abused for being smaller (or bigger) any more than men should be abused for being smaller (or bigger).

Feminists, including hard-core leftists, have different views on pretty much everything else under the sun. Because feminism isn’t some religion with a unified creed you recite every Sunday, and it certainly doesn’t require that you kneel and hold out your tongue for the Eucharist of birth control, as Matt Walsh appears to think. It’s an idea; “I have a dream” where people are seen for the content of their character rather than the content of their bras.

Next question?

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