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In light of the internet flurries intent on telling women how they should best go about not getting raped, I figured we need to start informing people how to avoid getting shot, in this country of so many mass shootings, accidental shootings, etc etc.

Tips to prevent yourself from getting shot

  1. Don’t go into neighborhoods where residents own a lot of guns. Avoid backwoods Idaho farms and certain streets in Mexico.
  2. Don’t provoke a situation where you might get shot. Meaning: don’t get into arguments with people who carry guns or people who might go find a gun after you finish arguing with them.
  3. Don’t go into movie theaters, schools or other places where people have gotten shot. This is just good statistical advice and it’s your fault if you don’t take it.
  4. Protect yourself at all times by carrying a semi-automatic rifle, realizing that if you don’t, you’re tacitly agreeing on the propriety of getting shot.
  5. When you’re in an unknown part of town, walk in the dark to avoid being seen and therefore shot at.
  6. Remember that most people are shot by friends, family and acquaintances. Remember that the burden is still on you to avoid getting shot by one of these people.
  7. Guns don’t kill people, stupid people walking into gunfire kill people, because everyone knows that guns will be guns.
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