1. Never been to Burning Man.
2. Whole Foods Kombucha selection not local enough.
3. My spa-day anti-aging intravenous vitamin drip is making my arm burn a little bit.
4. Have to keep hitting “connect” every 30 minutes for the free wifi at the airport.
5. Bartender is out of smoked hibiscus salt.
6. Google maps sent me to the wrong Anthropologie and now I’m stuck in traffic.
7. Yoga class did not warn me before beginning meditative Oms.
8. My friend has way more Instagram followers than me.
9. Forgot puffy jacket for my weekend camping trip; had to stop at REI to buy a new one.
10. My solidarity-showing Social Justice Warrior pin clashes with the rest of my outfit.
11. Local artisan ice cream shop discontinued the pine nut honey ricotta flavor I would brag-order in front of other people.
12. The Gucci sunglasses I found in the trunk of the rental car are scratched.
13. Unsure how to let the valet parking guy know I’m not a racist and that I think he could be doing so much more if he only believed in himself.
14. The complimentary hotel breakfast is not gluten free.
15. Favorite celebrity tattoo artist will not call me back.
16. Coat closet too small for all of my scarves.
17. My jerk boyfriend didn’t put my gold-status frequent flier mile number on my ticket when he bought it for me and now I have to wait in line like a chump.
18. Paris is still more smelly and less sexy than I wanted it to be.
19. My waiter keeps asking if I need anything.
20. My waiter doesn’t ask if I need anything.
21. Nobody ever asks if I’m gay.
Botkin Creative 
Haha, PLEASE can we have more from McSwooney’s? Also, your issues would fit right into Boulder, CO, from where I hail.
Katie,
Got a “your iPad has a virus” message when your site came up. Looks like you’ve been hacked.
I didn’t get this message… maybe it was your iPad?