Turn-ons: Making my sweet little Maddy laugh, the phrase “I’m not your ex-wife,” being hotter than my ex-wife.
Turn-offs: Anything that reminds me of my ex-wife.
Body type: Better. I’ve been going to the gym recently.
Perfect first date: Ice cream with Maddy, followed by a serious make-out shesh on the couch after I’ve put her to bed. Staring deeply into my eyes, you pause to tell me you’re here to take care of me and it will all be OK now. I cry softly in your arms and then the next day I cancel my $120-an-hour therapy session because I’ve got you.