32-year-old gamer seeks IRL relationship with bodacious female who will love him for himself.
Turn-ons: Literally everything.
Turn-offs: People who assume I live in my parents’ basement (I live in my own room, thanks), shallow girls who are just into looks, the question “So, what do you do?” What do I DO? I slay foul monsters and rescue fair maidens as did the heroes of yore. Chivalry used to mean something in this country.
Hobbies: Trolling internet forums and YouTube videos; see above.
Body type: Athletic.
Describe your perfect first date: Lara Croft comes to life as a reward for me winning the game and thanks me for freeing her from her two-dimensional prison. She shows her appreciation by doing Adult 18+ level stuff to me involving Strong Sexual Content. Then she asks me about my relationship with my father. As it turns out, she’s also really good at making sandwiches.